


Meditation

by SeekingIdlewild



Category: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Ficlet, Force Ghosts, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 14:04:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5542655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeekingIdlewild/pseuds/SeekingIdlewild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the course of her training with Master Luke, Rey receives advice from an unexpected visitor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meditation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Potboy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Potboy/gifts).



The sound of waves breaking on the rocks far below her craggy roost was a steady refrain, rising and falling, but always repeating. The wind was like fingers in her hair, hands upon her shoulders, pushing, probing, and buffeting as if it longed for her attention. The salt air was heady and bewildering. It smelled like danger and freedom and incomprehensible vastness. So much water. Endless water. The moss she sat upon was damp, and her clothing was eagerly wicking up the moisture. All of nature conspired to force itself upon her notice - to distract her from her task - and it was succeeding.

Rey opened her eyes to behold an orange and purple sky. The globe of the sun was partially obscured now as it sank into the ocean. There was so much beauty on this planet. So much to explore and learn about. So much green, so much blue, so much life and vibrancy. But she wasn't supposed to be thinking about any of it. She was supposed to be thinking of nothing.

Meditation. Opening her mind to Force and waiting to see how it would reveal itself to her. It had sounded like a simple undertaking, a nice, peaceful break from the rigorous exercises Master Luke had been putting her through for weeks now. And yet, somehow, it was the hardest thing he had asked her to do so far. How could she truly clear her mind with so many distractions around her? And how could she ignore that constant undercurrent of worry and longing for the friends she had left behind?

What did it mean to clear one's mind, anyway? How was it possible to truly think of nothing? Allowing her thoughts to go silent was a luxury she'd never had before. Even in sleep, she dreamed uneasy dreams and woke at the slightest sound. Her survival had always depended on it.

Heaving a sigh, Rey shut her eyes once more. 'If you need an anchor for your thoughts,' Luke had said, 'focus on your breathing.' And so she drew in a slow, deep breath, held it, and then gradually released it. And again, and again. Until the whole world went still around her, and all that mattered was the next breath.

She still couldn't quite see the purpose of this exercise.

"Don't dwell on the outcome," said a gentle male voice that seemed to come from all around her, rather than issuing from a single point. "It's the process that you should concern yourself with. That's how you learn."

Her eyes flew open. She was on her feet in a moment, clutching a heavy stone in her right hand, as it was the only weapon she could readily access. Her gaze darted back and forth, but there was nothing to be seen. She was alone. And yet… no, not alone. Not entirely. She could feel a presence nearby, indistinct and unlike anything she had felt before, but certainly present.

Her grip on the rock tightened.

"Who are you? Why can't I see you?"

There's a sound rather like a sigh, and yet when the disembodied voice speaks again, there is a smile lurking in his tone. "I am Qui-Gon Jinn. The man who first trained Luke Skywalker in the ways of the Force was my apprentice, which makes you part of my legacy. I would like to show myself to you, but sadly I am unable."

She spent a few seconds digesting this information, and then said, "I don't understand. If you trained Master Luke's teacher, then you're dead. How are you speaking to me now?"

"Before my death, I was studying a technique that would allow me to retain my identity after becoming one with the Force," Qui-Gon explained calmly. "My training was not complete, however, so I cannot manifest a physical form. You will receive this training too, one day, when you are ready."

Rey stood uncertainly, her eyes scanning left and right as if she still expected the speaker to pop into view any moment. She was half-tempted to check behind every outcropping of rock for any lurkers, and yet something told her that she would find nothing, and that her visitor was telling her nothing less than the truth. So she hesitated, remaining silent as she attempted to analyze what she was feeling.

"Rey," said the voice after a few moments had trailed past in silence, "you can drop the rock."

Her fingers spasmed once as they gripped the makeshift weapon, knuckles whitening, but then she allowed her hand to slacken. The stone fell to the mossy ground.

"That's better," he said.

"Why are you here?" she asked.

In the pause that greeted this question, the wind slackened and even the waves seemed to calm. On the horizon, the sun had disappeared, and the riotous colors painted in bold strokes across the sky were growing muted. A few of the brightest stars had already appeared. Dusk was giving way to night.

"I wanted to introduce myself, as we will be speaking more in the future." Qui-Gon finally replied. "Also, you appeared to be struggling."

Struggling. Yes, one could say that Rey was struggling, and not merely with the concept of meditation. With her concerns about Qui-Gon's identity and intentions assuaged, she plopped herself back down on the ground and gave into the temptation to pour out her troubles to a willing, if disembodied, ear.

"I'm not getting any of this," she admitted quietly. "Master Luke didn't even want to take on a student. I had to _beg_ him to train me. And now it feels like I'm letting him down."

Another pause, and then Qui-Gon said, "Your progress has been remarkable by even the most exacting standards. What makes you think you're letting him down?"

Rey reached up to tuck a few flyaway strands of hair behind her ear. She drew up her knees, rested her chin upon them, and wrapped her arms around her legs as she watched the sky darken.

"So many of his instructions are vague. I don't know how to interpret them. I don't how to do what he asks of me. I just wish there was a clear set of rules I could memorize and follow. It's like piloting a ship: there's room for improvisation, but you have to know the basics, or you'll crash. Right now I feel like I'm crashing every day."

"Hmm," came the gentle voice. "You want more rules, is that right?" There was soft sound that might have been a huff of dry laughter. "In my day, there were more rules. The Code was very strict, and anyone who deviated from it even slightly was considered dangerous. Those rules could often strand in the way of understanding and progress. Master Luke's methods are better."

"Even if I keep failing him?" she whispered, her arms tightening around her legs. By now, she was actually feeling grateful that she couldn't see him. It was easier to be vulnerable before someone who wasn't _quite_ present. In some ways, it was as if she was talking to herself.

"Don't think about your eventual success or failure," Qui-Gon said. "That's a distraction. Stay in the moment, because that is where your power lies. You can't reach into the past and change it. In time you may develop the ability to sense the future, but you shouldn't try to live there. You can only affect the present."

"That's not comforting."

"It should be." The smile was in his voice again. It sounded like a nice smile. "It should be very comforting to know that you are only responsible for today. And tomorrow, you will only be responsible for that day. And so on."

Rey supposed it was rather reassuring, put like that. It sounded less overwhelming. Less impossible.

Night had fallen by this time. The sky was brilliant with starlight, and the wind had turned sharper and colder. The thought of Master Luke's warm, if humble, dwelling arose in her mind, and she could almost taste the soup that he would be preparing at this hour for their supper. She wasn't quite sure if she had managed to clear her mind for any length of time, but she did feel more at peace now. She had a feeling that had more to do with being allowed to vent some of her insecurities rather than the meditation itself, but she hoped it still counted.

"Feel better?" Qui-Gon asked gently.

"A little, thank you." She smiled a little. "Really, thanks. And I'm sorry about the rock."

Rey  thought she heard a chuckle, but she couldn't be quite sure, because her awareness of his presence vanished in the next instant. Alone, cold, but perhaps a little wiser for her brief tête-à-tête with a ghost, she rose to her feet and began picking her way down the mossy slope.

She wasn't sure what she would tell Master Luke about the outcome of her medication exercise. Perhaps he wouldn't even ask. Perhaps the process really was what mattered, as Qui-Gon had said. Either way, she thought she would try again sometime soon. There had been something soothing about it. Some relaxing about just listening to her breathing and forgetting the rest of the world. She felt oddly refreshed and ready for her next lesson. Yes, she would try that again tomorrow.


End file.
